If my posts make it seem as if trying to reclaim my health is easy - let me be clear: It isn't. I am a vegan chip-aholic; I love fries and all sort of processed foods. Who's a foodie? 🙋🏾♀️ Me. I am. I don't ever want to present a happy face when my reality is something different. 🥺 Day 1 - last Monday - it was ugly. Why? Well, about midnight Sunday, the 25 y.o. and I made a pack: Let's go raw, she said. I was GOING to go raw later this month, but I had NO plans to start MONDAY! Hell, my fridge still had leftover Thanksgiving food and snacks and "spirits" calling my name that I had just bought for the break. When I came home from work Monday, it was bad. 👿👹👺I transformed into a demon . . .
Want-to-be-healthy-Me vs Want-to-eat-chips-potato-salad-and-junkfood-Me. Y'all it was bad. My 24 y.o. put me in bed with my heating pad to knock me out so that I could put myself out of my misery. I didn't think I was going to make it. I've always proclaimed if I'm going to break a fast, that I can ONLY break it in the morning when miraculously - like clock work, the Stronger version of Myself appears. Thankfully so, Tuesday morning, when I woke up, the beast was gone. I apologized to my daughters for the toddler melt down I had, and I strengthened my resolve to continue. Another day in the books. When evening descended and the weaker version of myself puffed up, I did not allow myself to have thoughts of ANY food that I wanted. Usually on my hour commute home, I start thinking of what I'm going to cook - instead, I popped a piece of gum in my mouth, listened to my podcast and thought of the smoothie I would make that evening. It worked.
I've made several attempts to be fully raw, the longest of which I made it 105 days - several years ago. I've been trying to heal my autoimmune issues since I've been vegan - to no avail. What I realized in the last few years is that processed food is processed food - vegan or not. I will never heal if I continue to bombard my body with unnatural foods. What I know to be true is that I can't play around with thoughts of food IF I want to stay the course. I have to respect my addiction for what it is: All consuming.